Thanksgiving

by xanthan gum

Published November 27, 2006

In Old Poetry

PreviousNext

thieves driving big trucks


This isn't really needed.

Well-composed, and, although it was predictable, I enjoyed it. Not much to say here, so I'll leave it blank for now. If you're lucky, I'll come back and find it repulsive enough to tear apart =]

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Cade
Review
Cade wrote a review Review · Dec 14, 2006

The last four lines are...lyrical, I guess, with the repetition of "no time" and the stolen/broken slant rhyme.

the dramatic dirt demanding him

This is overdone. It's lovely alliteration but I don't think that "dramatic" is the appropriate adjective, although I really shouldn't talk because I tend to do that a lot.

blood splashing all the way
to the moon

This is my other diction tidbit. I think of splashing as a noise or action that occurs when something is dropped or falls or is poured into water, and the resulting bits of water that end up on everything around it. If that made any sense, then splashing wouldn't really be right...it bothers me. "Spurting" or something else that blood can do would be better. Blood does not splash out of one's body. If you cut arteries it spurts. If you cut veins it just kind of oozes. But then, "oozing all the way to the moon" would be even more bizarre.
And another thing, are cows slaughtered with machetes? Or is that meant to be figurative? Machete is a marvelous word, though.

I like this poem. It made me want to find out what callaloo is.

User avatar
Whatsarahsaid
Comment
Whatsarahsaid commented Comment · Dec 13, 2006

Wow.

I believe.



The dust bowl

=)
Dont.know.if.im.right?!

carelessaussie13 commented Comment · Nov 27, 2006

This was a hard poem to digest, and the line breaks were odd in my opinion. Good job though



the button war, the egg being featured member, and santa necro-liking halloween-esque works are the reasons i love yws
— Carina